Not Being 'ON' Is Deeply Nourishing
I'm going on a silent retreat this weekend. I attended my first one two years ago. Here's what I discovered.
At a silent retreat, you're not 'ON'. You don't have to make small talk and tell others about yourself. You are not being rude if you don't make eye contact.
You also have no distractions. I found out I wanted to have my cell phone on for both comfort and distraction. I wanted to see if something ‘important’ came in – any message to say, “Moira, you matter.” A text, email, Facebook comment……anything to validate me.
I realized I use my phone to help me feel grounded and secure. If I can just know, manage, or control life, I’ll feel better – more secure, loved, safe. I use the phone as a way to get some ground under my feet. I’m looking for certainty in an uncertain and ever-changing world.
My phone is one way for me to escape uncomfortable feelings – both ‘good’ ones and ‘bad’ ones.
It’s like having poison ivy. I have the itch (discomfort) and I scratch it (eat, check my phone, etc.). It’s a way for me to escape the feelings of restlessness, boredom, and irritability.
It feels good to scratch the poison ivy in that moment. The problem is that scratching it makes it worse and the discomfort escalates.
The antidote for the poison ivy is staying present without scratching the itch. This is why I meditate daily. It helps calm my mind and not scratch.
To get real learning, critical thinking, and change, you need to embrace discomfort. Discomfort is a normal experience, and it’s going to happen. By embracing discomfort, you reduce anxiety, fear, and shame.
By the end of the weekend, I felt calmer, rested, and ready to talk! My inner thirst was quenched.
If you are uncomfortable, you are growing.
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